Home > 2010, Personal > Sin and the deathwish

Sin and the deathwish

Saturday. Family has gone ahead to camp, while I’ll make the journey tomorrow. Hot summer days at the beach, lonely wilderness.

I can’t even tell where we go, for fear of people discovering our spot. The last thing this place needs is a bunch of people from Alberta showing up with their motor homes, portable generators and Stampeder’s flags flying all over the place. Nope, that just wouldn’t do.

People from Saskatchewan are invited, bring beer!

So what does this have to do with sin and the death wish? Nothing really but it makes for an exciting title, doesn’t it?

My name is Gary and I live in 1986. I also live in 1987, 1988, 1989 and so on. One immortal moment in one immortal day. I think what would be cool is if I could integrate the past with the present to the future. If I could have become a believer, sooner…

Sin and the death wish. I think it is what drives humans. The never ending capacity to do evil, to continually hurt one another. That is our sin and that is our death wish. There is a God who keeps track. There is a God to whom justice is accorded. I would prefer to see 1986 done differently. Same thing with 1989. No regrets mind you, I am just saying that I would have lost the hate a lot sooner if I had known that one day, I would be encroaching on fifty and wondering…

The year was 1986. Black spiked hair. Jeans and combat boots. You were my friends. I did not want to be happy. That was my death wish.

The year is 2010. Black spiked hair. Jeans and Doc Martens. You are my friends. I am blessed beyond measure. That is my life.

My family is growing, expanding. Whether I work at it or not, my family expands. Sometime I think it is “Welcome to our commune”. Sometimes, I hide behind closed eyes and wake up to a reality 8 hours away. I turn to God. I turn to you.

Fasting. Day something or other. Wilderness tomorrow. Tonight, there is only us. Here. White blank spaces between friends. I want you to be good. Discover the meaning of freedom. Discover the meaning of what hides behind veiled eyes. Discover rubber socks that glow at night.

I pray that you slow down. Smell the roses. Stop.Lie on the grass.Stop.Breathe.Stop.Work.And in the midst of it, I pray that you find God.

Categories: 2010, Personal Tags: ,
  1. Dawn
    August 14, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    Hmm, merging past with the present..interesting concept. Unlike you I do have regrets, but God has taught me that the past is gone, and all I can do is live differently now. Learn from my mistakes, and hopefully pass my wisdom on to my daughter. Thanks for reminding me that while it’s good to look back, I need to be grounded in today too.

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